Well, I finally figured out how to allow Comments on each post. Sorry that I didn't have that enabled the past few days.
Mom's belongings are being prepared for an upcoming estate sell this weekend. She drove down to Tuscaloosa yesterday to save a few more items. I am always nervous when she drives...so I have been on edge until tonight when she arrived home safely. The driving license is going to have to be pulled soon. I hate to do that...it will kill me to do it. I worry about others safety and hers....she drives so slow I doubt she would hurt anyone, but someone could certainly hurt her. I brought up the issue a few times and Mom looks so sad. We live in a small neighborhood with all the modern conveniences a few blocks away, and that is the farthest she ventures --so, I've felt ok about it. It's nice to know she can drive herself to the Pig or to the dentist during the day. However I don't think that I can let her out on the freeway anymore. I would feel awful if something happened....I guess it's time to really start playing the role of the parent. Ugh. I feel like I already have, in a way, but this is going to be haaaaarrrrrdddd. I don't want to make her feel as if her dignity and freedom has been stripped.
My husband just told me that my brother called saying that while Mom was in Tuscaloosa she went to pay her waterbill. The waterbill lady called my brother crying saying how sorry she felt for my Mom. She even took a personal check against policy. My brother assured her that she lived with me and that she certainly wasn't having to go without water. I really need to get that lady's number and let her know everything is ok.
When Mom was in T-town she gathered all my old baby clothes and brought them back. I always read that people with Pick's disease don't feel empathy and warm emotion. I have to think either they diagnosed Mom wrong or she is just that caring of a person that she is lasting much longer on the emotional front than most. I love her so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS - Kevin and I ran around naked and danced in all the rooms of our house while she was gone. We felt so free and uninhibited! Kevin did admit that is wasn't too bad having her live her, though, which made me feel great!!
Signing off,
Michele
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Mom's Hair Cut
This weekend was a pretty good one :) I feel like we just rounded the bin on phase 1 that involved moving Mom in and getting used to having her here, as well as getting ALL the massive paperwork done that needs doing. I now feel like we are headed toward easier times. I got tons of work down around the house this weekend and I got to spend some quality time with Mom.
Saturday morning Mom's dogs escaped into the front yard and Kevin andI let her know so that she could round them up. We both decided a while back we aren't chasing the little boogers everytime they get out, as we don't want to take on even more stress than we already have in our present lives. We told Mom that if she is going to have her dogs here, they are her responsibility. Of course, one day, I know I'll have to help with them if it eventually get's to be too much for her.
After she rounded up her dogs, I suggested a few options she might decide between to stop them from escaping. She never decided. Later, I found her crying in her room with the dogs. I realized at that moment, that Mom is different now. With Pick's Disease, she is going to be more easily overwhelmed by issues than she has in the past. I was on real role cleaning up the house, but decided to stop and spend some time with her helping to think of a solution. We ended up at PetSmart purchasing the Innotek training zone. It's been raining, so we having used it since it's really meant for indoors. I think it might work, though. We will probably need to purchase more than one zone, however.
After that I actually went and did something for me...I had my hair cut and colored. Then my hairdresser suggested I take my mom (I had been telling him she desperately needed a cut) to Regis in the mall where his partner worked. Well, I did and the guy was fabulous. Mom feels really pretty now. While she was getting her haircut I went Parisians and bought her some new earrings. After that we went home and she brought me her digital camera and asked me to take some pics of her. I thought that was really cute....she must have been feeling really good about herself!!! I took some and we uploaded them. Maybe, someday, I'll upload one if I can figure out how to do it.
Well, my husband has been experiencing a dry spell for sometime now. I solved that issue a few minutes ago too!! Ahhhhh, I feel so good to have my Mom happy, my house significantly cleaner, and my husband happy too.
Signing off, Michele
Saturday morning Mom's dogs escaped into the front yard and Kevin andI let her know so that she could round them up. We both decided a while back we aren't chasing the little boogers everytime they get out, as we don't want to take on even more stress than we already have in our present lives. We told Mom that if she is going to have her dogs here, they are her responsibility. Of course, one day, I know I'll have to help with them if it eventually get's to be too much for her.
After she rounded up her dogs, I suggested a few options she might decide between to stop them from escaping. She never decided. Later, I found her crying in her room with the dogs. I realized at that moment, that Mom is different now. With Pick's Disease, she is going to be more easily overwhelmed by issues than she has in the past. I was on real role cleaning up the house, but decided to stop and spend some time with her helping to think of a solution. We ended up at PetSmart purchasing the Innotek training zone. It's been raining, so we having used it since it's really meant for indoors. I think it might work, though. We will probably need to purchase more than one zone, however.
After that I actually went and did something for me...I had my hair cut and colored. Then my hairdresser suggested I take my mom (I had been telling him she desperately needed a cut) to Regis in the mall where his partner worked. Well, I did and the guy was fabulous. Mom feels really pretty now. While she was getting her haircut I went Parisians and bought her some new earrings. After that we went home and she brought me her digital camera and asked me to take some pics of her. I thought that was really cute....she must have been feeling really good about herself!!! I took some and we uploaded them. Maybe, someday, I'll upload one if I can figure out how to do it.
Well, my husband has been experiencing a dry spell for sometime now. I solved that issue a few minutes ago too!! Ahhhhh, I feel so good to have my Mom happy, my house significantly cleaner, and my husband happy too.
Signing off, Michele
Friday, January 19, 2007
Itching Like Crazy and Seventy-three Screwdrivers
Hi All,
Well, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. If finally got a comment on my blog (thanks Paula) so I have been inspired to keep writing in case I actually do have some readers out there :)
I am itching like crazy as I blog (eczema).
A couple of weeks ago I left my new job for an afternoon appt with one of my favorite people to sit and talk with, Dr. Gregory. He is the best psychiatrist in the whole wide world. He's my age (35-36 or so) and isn't jaded yet. He has empathy and seems to take his hypocratic oath seriously...he actually sits and listens and agrees to counsel people if they want him to do so. He doesn't just write a script and send you on your merry way. I was scheduled for an hour session and boy did I need it. I was wound up like a string of Christmas lights with a bad fuse.
As I sat and talked with him about all the craziness in my life (related to my mom and new, very demanding, job) the tears came pouring out as I confessed that TO TOP EVERYTHING OFF, I had what I thought was a staff infection on my right boob from scratching too much and I was having to treat it with some of my dog's old medicine because I didn't have time to go to the dermatologist. I then told him, in tears, "and I don't care what you say...I'm also still having trouble with my words and thinking of the one I want to say!! It is embarrassing." He has been trying to tell me it's stress for months. Finally, after months of treatment, he agreed to let me try some ADD medicine. I remember asking about it several times in the beginning, but he was thinking he never prescribed it because he needed to try and see if my issues woudl be solved by ridding me of the anxiety.
Folks, I began this blessed drug (Adderall) on Wed of last week and I feel so much calmer. I was euphoric at first. After the first 5mg pill (actually a 10 that I broke in 1/2) I was drying my hair and I thought, "Wow, this is the most efficient method I've ever used to dry my hair in my life!" Then I went on to think of a soltn. to a prob at work. By the time my hair was dried and styled I was feeling pretty confident and in control. Over the next few days I lost 3-4 lbs. Yay! That has sort of waned off now...good, bc I know it is unhealthy to take it off too soon. It is a nice side effect, though of taking a stimulant. Anyhew...since I began this drug I have accomplished some things I never thought I could do. I taught myself SwishMax software, am learning all about javascript, getting my elearning to successfully interface with Moodle, helped my mom drive to her house (hour away) and gather the last of all her most treasured belongings, got the two dogs fixed (thank you, God, bc one had like a 3 week period), sat in week long training at work and actually comprehended some really difficult medical/technical stuff, mailed off things I promised that I would, and began a regular face washing routine. And, best, I am not having as much difficulty with word recall.
As far as my mother and I go, I have been having some trouble lately keeping a super nice, calm attitude. While gathering Mom's belongings we didnt want sold at the upcoming estate sale, I got irritated last Saturday. I was supposed to have everything sorted out and had cleaned for hours and hours on Mom's house (with no help from my brother who lives near her, of course). She just kept wandering and wandering around getting distracted by this and that. I was in a hurry to save her stuff ....I had promised my sisterinlaw I'd have it all sorted before she arrived with estate sale guy. I kept saying, "Mom, if it's not in the front hall by X time, then it'll get sold. Stay focused. We can go down memory lane when we get home to our house." She did buckle down and help...but she was sorting through papers which I had explained we could take and sort through later. Then, she made coffee and grabbed dirty mug off the counter (that had been sitting there for about a month) and barely moved it under a stream of cold water. When I saw she was actually going to drink out of it, I stopped her and told her that was nasty. I felt like I was scolding a child. For the most part, I try really hard to preserve her dignity, but I am sick and tired of beating around the bush about her hygeine!! I told her, "Look Mom, I didn't want to tell you this, but people with Pick's Disease often DIE of pneumonia and they get it from germs and doing things like what you just about did. You have GOT TO BE MORE CLEAN!!!!" I don't know if she actually believed me about catching pneumonia from drinking out of old coffee cups or not...hell, I dont' know if that part is true -but I was hoping I put enough of an impression in her brain that she starts to think about being a cleaner person. Week before last we kept finding old maxipads she had taken off the dog and just laid here and there throught out the house. Of course, my husband about died.
I went through her closet and she had sweaters of mine that I wore in 8th grade....I am now 36. At my home (her new home) later, I helped convince her to get rid of a few items by getting some cute, but too small, items out of my own closet and asking her if she wanted to trade items for one. I told her it was up to her, but if she could bring herself to get rid of 3 things, she could have the cute shirt. This worked with 2 new items. She then through up her arms and said, "No more."
Most of the day was spent going through her tools. We already have like 73 screwdrivers of our own bc my husband I both enjoy woodworking, but she kept wanting to add hers too the pile. I would have said "yes" except I was already letting her keep like 90 other tools. Of course the across the street neighbor came over during all this (a southern genteel like lady who, unfortunately, now has a colostamy bag). She's sweet but I get uncomfortable when I hear the that bag of hers go off...it sounds like a large fart. I told her I knew I looked like mean daughter, but I just didn't have room for all the stuff at my tiny house. I said this as I carried 2 more toolboxes full of tools to the trunk of my car to take anyway. OK, I'm tired of writing about all the cleaning stories....moving on to happier topics....
All in all, we had some good talks while cleaning out her old house. We also had some moments where we both got tickled and couldnt' stop laughing. I told her about the psych. and the dog medicine. The doc had thrown up his hands and said, "Let's get something straight, your life IS stressful right now...so it is normal you have the feelings you do." Well, when I began to tell mom the story, I threw my hands up like Richard Nixon and imitated the dr with "Let's get something straight, you are --" Mom then finished my sentence with the words, "not an animal." At that point she began laughing hysterically and so did I. It felt like old times. Oh, how I itch for those old times!!!
Good night all. OH, PS, I found Walter's temporary crown just lying in the living room floor at my Mom's old house. It's like he just threw it on the floor at one point or somthing. It was in the middle of a bunch of furniture, bird seed, craft items, clothing, and other sundry items I had to clear out of the room. I shoudl have taken pics of that house! (If you don't know who Walter is, read my post called Birth of My Blog.)
Well, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. If finally got a comment on my blog (thanks Paula) so I have been inspired to keep writing in case I actually do have some readers out there :)
I am itching like crazy as I blog (eczema).
A couple of weeks ago I left my new job for an afternoon appt with one of my favorite people to sit and talk with, Dr. Gregory. He is the best psychiatrist in the whole wide world. He's my age (35-36 or so) and isn't jaded yet. He has empathy and seems to take his hypocratic oath seriously...he actually sits and listens and agrees to counsel people if they want him to do so. He doesn't just write a script and send you on your merry way. I was scheduled for an hour session and boy did I need it. I was wound up like a string of Christmas lights with a bad fuse.
As I sat and talked with him about all the craziness in my life (related to my mom and new, very demanding, job) the tears came pouring out as I confessed that TO TOP EVERYTHING OFF, I had what I thought was a staff infection on my right boob from scratching too much and I was having to treat it with some of my dog's old medicine because I didn't have time to go to the dermatologist. I then told him, in tears, "and I don't care what you say...I'm also still having trouble with my words and thinking of the one I want to say!! It is embarrassing." He has been trying to tell me it's stress for months. Finally, after months of treatment, he agreed to let me try some ADD medicine. I remember asking about it several times in the beginning, but he was thinking he never prescribed it because he needed to try and see if my issues woudl be solved by ridding me of the anxiety.
Folks, I began this blessed drug (Adderall) on Wed of last week and I feel so much calmer. I was euphoric at first. After the first 5mg pill (actually a 10 that I broke in 1/2) I was drying my hair and I thought, "Wow, this is the most efficient method I've ever used to dry my hair in my life!" Then I went on to think of a soltn. to a prob at work. By the time my hair was dried and styled I was feeling pretty confident and in control. Over the next few days I lost 3-4 lbs. Yay! That has sort of waned off now...good, bc I know it is unhealthy to take it off too soon. It is a nice side effect, though of taking a stimulant. Anyhew...since I began this drug I have accomplished some things I never thought I could do. I taught myself SwishMax software, am learning all about javascript, getting my elearning to successfully interface with Moodle, helped my mom drive to her house (hour away) and gather the last of all her most treasured belongings, got the two dogs fixed (thank you, God, bc one had like a 3 week period), sat in week long training at work and actually comprehended some really difficult medical/technical stuff, mailed off things I promised that I would, and began a regular face washing routine. And, best, I am not having as much difficulty with word recall.
As far as my mother and I go, I have been having some trouble lately keeping a super nice, calm attitude. While gathering Mom's belongings we didnt want sold at the upcoming estate sale, I got irritated last Saturday. I was supposed to have everything sorted out and had cleaned for hours and hours on Mom's house (with no help from my brother who lives near her, of course). She just kept wandering and wandering around getting distracted by this and that. I was in a hurry to save her stuff ....I had promised my sisterinlaw I'd have it all sorted before she arrived with estate sale guy. I kept saying, "Mom, if it's not in the front hall by X time, then it'll get sold. Stay focused. We can go down memory lane when we get home to our house." She did buckle down and help...but she was sorting through papers which I had explained we could take and sort through later. Then, she made coffee and grabbed dirty mug off the counter (that had been sitting there for about a month) and barely moved it under a stream of cold water. When I saw she was actually going to drink out of it, I stopped her and told her that was nasty. I felt like I was scolding a child. For the most part, I try really hard to preserve her dignity, but I am sick and tired of beating around the bush about her hygeine!! I told her, "Look Mom, I didn't want to tell you this, but people with Pick's Disease often DIE of pneumonia and they get it from germs and doing things like what you just about did. You have GOT TO BE MORE CLEAN!!!!" I don't know if she actually believed me about catching pneumonia from drinking out of old coffee cups or not...hell, I dont' know if that part is true -but I was hoping I put enough of an impression in her brain that she starts to think about being a cleaner person. Week before last we kept finding old maxipads she had taken off the dog and just laid here and there throught out the house. Of course, my husband about died.
I went through her closet and she had sweaters of mine that I wore in 8th grade....I am now 36. At my home (her new home) later, I helped convince her to get rid of a few items by getting some cute, but too small, items out of my own closet and asking her if she wanted to trade items for one. I told her it was up to her, but if she could bring herself to get rid of 3 things, she could have the cute shirt. This worked with 2 new items. She then through up her arms and said, "No more."
Most of the day was spent going through her tools. We already have like 73 screwdrivers of our own bc my husband I both enjoy woodworking, but she kept wanting to add hers too the pile. I would have said "yes" except I was already letting her keep like 90 other tools. Of course the across the street neighbor came over during all this (a southern genteel like lady who, unfortunately, now has a colostamy bag). She's sweet but I get uncomfortable when I hear the that bag of hers go off...it sounds like a large fart. I told her I knew I looked like mean daughter, but I just didn't have room for all the stuff at my tiny house. I said this as I carried 2 more toolboxes full of tools to the trunk of my car to take anyway. OK, I'm tired of writing about all the cleaning stories....moving on to happier topics....
All in all, we had some good talks while cleaning out her old house. We also had some moments where we both got tickled and couldnt' stop laughing. I told her about the psych. and the dog medicine. The doc had thrown up his hands and said, "Let's get something straight, your life IS stressful right now...so it is normal you have the feelings you do." Well, when I began to tell mom the story, I threw my hands up like Richard Nixon and imitated the dr with "Let's get something straight, you are --" Mom then finished my sentence with the words, "not an animal." At that point she began laughing hysterically and so did I. It felt like old times. Oh, how I itch for those old times!!!
Good night all. OH, PS, I found Walter's temporary crown just lying in the living room floor at my Mom's old house. It's like he just threw it on the floor at one point or somthing. It was in the middle of a bunch of furniture, bird seed, craft items, clothing, and other sundry items I had to clear out of the room. I shoudl have taken pics of that house! (If you don't know who Walter is, read my post called Birth of My Blog.)
Friday, January 12, 2007
Monday, January 8, 2007
Birth of My Blog
Many years ago, my grandfather nicknamed he and grandmom's lake front property in Arkansas, "Senility Acres," when he was in his eighties. He used to write letters to the members of his Pioneers club that always began, "Greetings from Senility Acres."
Well, I think the salutation fits my current circumstances quite well; therefore, I will carry on the tradition. Fortunately for him, he really was just joking about their life and thier age....unfortunately for me, I have been thrust into the world of dementia headfirst. I am now the caretaker for my mother, Mary Beth.
I'm going to write my story in this blog and journal about my feelings and use it as an outlet to try and get to a healthier place in my life, to feel like others out there in this world are listening, and I'm going to try and ween myself off of Effexor XR at the same time without totally losing it. After a long, gutwrenching cry in the bathtub tonight, I decided to log onto the Internet and look up others going through what I'm going through. I happened upon Dementia Blues and it inspired me to try this blog thing out. It's my first time doing so.
I guess I'll begin with an overview of what has happened, then flesh out the story in subsequent posts. It all started when my father, a manic depressive, committed suicide in 1990. I was 19 years old and working at Kroger's floral department when I received the call that there was an emergency and I was to come home right away. He and my mother had been in a fight and she had left to go to the park and needlepoint. He ran to their bedroom and shot himself. I have thought about it many times, and I think he must have just felt like he had to escape the ever present pain in his life and that was the ONLY way out. You have to remember, they didn't have Prozac, Paxil, or any other of the popular antidepressants back then. You could take something (I think it started with an L) but you would feel totally out of it if you did.
Fast forwarding to a year and half later, Mom met good ole Walter. Ugh. He was an uneducated hillbilly who drank and apparently did more drugs than I ever even realized. My mom fell in love with him because "he could really dance." In fact, that is why the people that worked with both of them introduced the two. I was relieved at first because Mom had been pining away for a different loser named Gary who managed a Good Year Tire and liked to take her out to look at the stars with his telescope. He also made passes as his nephews young wife under the Thanksgiving table....I know this because I worked with the wife. I tried to tell her what a loser he was, but she wouldn't listen. He looked just like a man on a local ad that threatened to eat a rat if he coudlnt' give you the best deal in town on a waterbed. In fact, my brother stood up in his highschool class one day and exclaimed, "That man is dating my mother!" when he saw the ad on t.v. Nope, she was dating his look alike however.
She married Walter about a year after they met and it was all downhill from there. Not only did he collect Indian plates, spend way too much money ordering things off t.v, smoke in the house, drink moonshine, lose a new job every few months, litter our yard with old refrigerators and other broken appliances...but he talked mom into mortgaging her almost-paid-for-house to buy an 18 Wheeler he named "The Peddlar." Well, his career as a trucker didn't last long. He was soon saddled with his fifth DUI and his license was revoked for 5 years.
Mom lost her job as a AutoCad draftsperson and sunk into what I call a depression. She would not get much help and claimed she wasn't depressed. Walter, the man who couldn't hold and job, was now the primary bread winner. Mom as it turned out, was experiencing the very beginning stages of Frontal Temporal Dementia (FTD)-a.k.a. Pick's Disease. Last year, I insisted on getting her to a doctor to find out once and for all what was wrong with her (two years back we did the same thing and she was labeled with "psuedo dementia" --we all just thought that meant she was stressed out). Now, I was noticing a marked difference in her personality. She was withdrawn and was having a great deal of trouble speaking.
She was diagnosed with FTD early in 2006. Walter didn't go to one dr appt with us. He finally began to admit something was wrong with her and did try to help her to practice math problems at night. He also reminded her to take her medicine. It was ironic that this woman, who could have been in MENSA most likely at one point in her life, was now being shown up by Walter, a man with no more than an eighth grade education.
I'll get more into the details in later posts, but this past November Walter, Mom's second husband, committed suicide also. He shot himself in the woodpile in their backyard at around 10:50 pm Nov 2, 2006. It was awful. He didn't think about those of us that would have to clean him up afterwards. The coroner removed the body, but we had to pick up the fragments. The cat even got a piece of his sideburn to the utter horror of my husband who saw it. My brother, husband, and another family member ended up washing him down the drain....what a loser. He promised my poor Mom that he would be there with her forever and never leave. She, instead, got the pleasure of finding him dead in the backyard after hearing the shotgun go off. I'm sure memories of finding her first husband flooded back to her.
She managed to call his family who came over and called me. I drove an hour from home and arrived there about 1:30 am. My mother and I stayed all alone that night by ourselves. I gave her a sleeping aid and just laid on the couch with her until she drifted off.
Fast forward three weeks. My saint of a husband allowed me to take my Mom in and she is now living with us. She is doing quite well. Pick's Disease is odd. You have trouble communicating and sometimes appear pretty demented, but at other times seem normal. Meanwhile, in the early stages of the disease many people are able to still do things like hook up a computer, create art work, etc. Mom mother has turned our basement into a glass stepping stone workshop and she is working with stained glass again. She began learning this craft about 7 or so years ago, but it almost completely went to the wayside during this past year. She just now picked it back up and is doing marvelous. On Christmas day she taught me how to translate a pattern into glass...I haven't completed my stone yet...but it is on it's way.
Things are good and I treasure this time with Mom; however, I am also swimming against a current of paperwork and other stress that goes along with being a caregiver. I am doing this with little help from my brother. Tonight I got angry about that and I was feeling overwhelmed. I also was sad all of a sudden as my mom struggled to communicate with me as she helped me cook. She's doing great, actually speaking more fluently lately, but it just saddens me that she ins't the same Mom I grew up with . She wasn't supposed to leave me this fast, dammit! I am tearing up now...so I'll stop writing about here. I need to go to bed anyway. I am mad at my husband because I don't feel like he's helping out enough, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. He is dealing with alot too. I know he never thought he was marrying my mother, just me. We've only been married for 2 years and now he has me, our 2 Great Danes, my Mom, and her two little dogs (which he hates). To top it all off, neither dog is fixed (Cookie the male keeps running off and Lucy the female is having the longest period on history. Mom bought her some doggy maxi pads -ugh. My husband alomst passed out. That is another story for another post though.
Good night all!
Well, I think the salutation fits my current circumstances quite well; therefore, I will carry on the tradition. Fortunately for him, he really was just joking about their life and thier age....unfortunately for me, I have been thrust into the world of dementia headfirst. I am now the caretaker for my mother, Mary Beth.
I'm going to write my story in this blog and journal about my feelings and use it as an outlet to try and get to a healthier place in my life, to feel like others out there in this world are listening, and I'm going to try and ween myself off of Effexor XR at the same time without totally losing it. After a long, gutwrenching cry in the bathtub tonight, I decided to log onto the Internet and look up others going through what I'm going through. I happened upon Dementia Blues and it inspired me to try this blog thing out. It's my first time doing so.
I guess I'll begin with an overview of what has happened, then flesh out the story in subsequent posts. It all started when my father, a manic depressive, committed suicide in 1990. I was 19 years old and working at Kroger's floral department when I received the call that there was an emergency and I was to come home right away. He and my mother had been in a fight and she had left to go to the park and needlepoint. He ran to their bedroom and shot himself. I have thought about it many times, and I think he must have just felt like he had to escape the ever present pain in his life and that was the ONLY way out. You have to remember, they didn't have Prozac, Paxil, or any other of the popular antidepressants back then. You could take something (I think it started with an L) but you would feel totally out of it if you did.
Fast forwarding to a year and half later, Mom met good ole Walter. Ugh. He was an uneducated hillbilly who drank and apparently did more drugs than I ever even realized. My mom fell in love with him because "he could really dance." In fact, that is why the people that worked with both of them introduced the two. I was relieved at first because Mom had been pining away for a different loser named Gary who managed a Good Year Tire and liked to take her out to look at the stars with his telescope. He also made passes as his nephews young wife under the Thanksgiving table....I know this because I worked with the wife. I tried to tell her what a loser he was, but she wouldn't listen. He looked just like a man on a local ad that threatened to eat a rat if he coudlnt' give you the best deal in town on a waterbed. In fact, my brother stood up in his highschool class one day and exclaimed, "That man is dating my mother!" when he saw the ad on t.v. Nope, she was dating his look alike however.
She married Walter about a year after they met and it was all downhill from there. Not only did he collect Indian plates, spend way too much money ordering things off t.v, smoke in the house, drink moonshine, lose a new job every few months, litter our yard with old refrigerators and other broken appliances...but he talked mom into mortgaging her almost-paid-for-house to buy an 18 Wheeler he named "The Peddlar." Well, his career as a trucker didn't last long. He was soon saddled with his fifth DUI and his license was revoked for 5 years.
Mom lost her job as a AutoCad draftsperson and sunk into what I call a depression. She would not get much help and claimed she wasn't depressed. Walter, the man who couldn't hold and job, was now the primary bread winner. Mom as it turned out, was experiencing the very beginning stages of Frontal Temporal Dementia (FTD)-a.k.a. Pick's Disease. Last year, I insisted on getting her to a doctor to find out once and for all what was wrong with her (two years back we did the same thing and she was labeled with "psuedo dementia" --we all just thought that meant she was stressed out). Now, I was noticing a marked difference in her personality. She was withdrawn and was having a great deal of trouble speaking.
She was diagnosed with FTD early in 2006. Walter didn't go to one dr appt with us. He finally began to admit something was wrong with her and did try to help her to practice math problems at night. He also reminded her to take her medicine. It was ironic that this woman, who could have been in MENSA most likely at one point in her life, was now being shown up by Walter, a man with no more than an eighth grade education.
I'll get more into the details in later posts, but this past November Walter, Mom's second husband, committed suicide also. He shot himself in the woodpile in their backyard at around 10:50 pm Nov 2, 2006. It was awful. He didn't think about those of us that would have to clean him up afterwards. The coroner removed the body, but we had to pick up the fragments. The cat even got a piece of his sideburn to the utter horror of my husband who saw it. My brother, husband, and another family member ended up washing him down the drain....what a loser. He promised my poor Mom that he would be there with her forever and never leave. She, instead, got the pleasure of finding him dead in the backyard after hearing the shotgun go off. I'm sure memories of finding her first husband flooded back to her.
She managed to call his family who came over and called me. I drove an hour from home and arrived there about 1:30 am. My mother and I stayed all alone that night by ourselves. I gave her a sleeping aid and just laid on the couch with her until she drifted off.
Fast forward three weeks. My saint of a husband allowed me to take my Mom in and she is now living with us. She is doing quite well. Pick's Disease is odd. You have trouble communicating and sometimes appear pretty demented, but at other times seem normal. Meanwhile, in the early stages of the disease many people are able to still do things like hook up a computer, create art work, etc. Mom mother has turned our basement into a glass stepping stone workshop and she is working with stained glass again. She began learning this craft about 7 or so years ago, but it almost completely went to the wayside during this past year. She just now picked it back up and is doing marvelous. On Christmas day she taught me how to translate a pattern into glass...I haven't completed my stone yet...but it is on it's way.
Things are good and I treasure this time with Mom; however, I am also swimming against a current of paperwork and other stress that goes along with being a caregiver. I am doing this with little help from my brother. Tonight I got angry about that and I was feeling overwhelmed. I also was sad all of a sudden as my mom struggled to communicate with me as she helped me cook. She's doing great, actually speaking more fluently lately, but it just saddens me that she ins't the same Mom I grew up with . She wasn't supposed to leave me this fast, dammit! I am tearing up now...so I'll stop writing about here. I need to go to bed anyway. I am mad at my husband because I don't feel like he's helping out enough, but I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. He is dealing with alot too. I know he never thought he was marrying my mother, just me. We've only been married for 2 years and now he has me, our 2 Great Danes, my Mom, and her two little dogs (which he hates). To top it all off, neither dog is fixed (Cookie the male keeps running off and Lucy the female is having the longest period on history. Mom bought her some doggy maxi pads -ugh. My husband alomst passed out. That is another story for another post though.
Good night all!
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